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Okay, yesterday we covered the plot and other basics for the Transmetropolitan movie I’d like to see. Today, we cover how I’d cast the movie. I’ve provided pictures for handy comparison when I had ones easy to find (I’m a lazy bastard).

The Cast:


Spider Jerusalem
Character: Spider’s a journalist, a drug addict, a madman, and a compassionate decent human being. He gained fame covering the presidential election before he retreated up the mountain. The fame made it nearly impossible for him to work. To work he needs to be in the city and hated.

Played by: I thought about this for quite awhile and I could never think of anyone who seemed right to me until I was watching an episode of Dirt with Paul Reubens in it, and I thought to myself “Paul Reubens could be Spider Jerusalem!” Shave his head, maybe have him workout just a little bit put some tattoos on him and I think you could have a pretty damn good Spider. We know Reubens can do manic (Pee Wee Herman), but from what I saw on Dirt he’s actually pretty good at doing the calm, world-weary type as well. Spider seems to alternate between those two states. I think Reubens could capture that.


Channon Yarrow-
Character: Channon is going to school for journalism. To put herself through school she’s taken a variety of jobs including being a bodyguard and a stripper. She first meets Spider during the Angels 8 riot when he makes his way into the strip club she’s working out to get onto their roof. She is then assigned to be Spider’s assistant by Royce.

Played by: Alexandra Breckenridge had pretty decent chemistry with Reubens on Dirt we’ll send her to the gym for six months to get her the right size to play Channon.


Mitchell Royce-
Character: Royce used to work with Spider, during Spider’s absence he climbed the ladder and became City Editor of The Word. He gives Spider a job and does his best to keep him on a leash. Most of his conversations with Spider begin with the phrase: “Where’s my fucking column?”

Played by: Oliver Platt just looks like Royce, he’d be perfect.


The Beast-
Character: The Beat is the President of the United States. Spider gained fame writing a book on the election The Beast won. The nickname The Beast was coined by Spider during the election and after that, everyone began to refer to him as The Beast, even his children.

Played by: Dan Hedaya was fun to watch as Nixon in Dick and The Beast is fairly reminiscent of Nixon. I think it’d work out pretty well.


Indira Ataturk-
Character: Mitchell Royce’s secretary, she worked as Spider’s assistant for one day before an incident during a Strip Club expose that turned her into a pornstar and got her disowned by her family.

Played by: Parminder Nagra is adorable and she wasn’t too bad on ER or the 15 minutes of Bend it Like Beckham that I watched.


The ex-wife-
Character: She hated Spider so much that she had her head frozen with orders not to revive her until there was undeniable proof Spider was dead.

Played by: Kate Vernon. Take Ellen Tigh from Battlestar Galactica add more booze and have her constantly yelling.


Fred Christ-
Character: Fred was a band manager when Spider went up the mountain. He got into the Transient movement during the period Spider was on the mountain. Transients’ DNA is slowly being changed into that of the alien “grays.” Most of the Transients are outcasts, people seeking a way to belong, Fred has taken advantage of that and used his previous experience to climb to the top of the group and become it’s public face.

Played by: Dominic West is good at playing guys that make your skin crawl. Make half his face gray with a big black eye andslap half a redhaired wif on him and he could pull off Fred Christ.


Character: Stompanato is a one-eyed dickless police bulldog. Spider is responsible for his dickless status. At some point before he went up the mountain Spider drugged Stompanato and took his pride and joy. He was so traumatized by the incident that the mention of Spider’s name causes him to have a seizure.

Played by: The dog should be a combination of a live action dog and CGI, voiced by Paul Sorvino.



  1. You nailed the Paul Reubens/Oliver Platt thing. I think Channon needs to be an Amazon of a woman.

    I think the story would be fine if it just focused on the elections.

  2. On Channon, I know where you’re coming from, but to be honest I think the physical aspects of the characters wouldn’t be hard to fake with putting Breckenridge through some kind of training camp or another and with some trick photography and maybe prosthetics or CGI. I think that she would be much better at getting the character right and being convincing.

    On the story, yeah the elections are great but save it for the sequel.

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