Skip navigation

First, I want to apologize to everyone who gets the joke in the title. No one should have to be reminded of that movie, ever. Still, I did it, and though I could undo it, I won’t.
Now, since posting about this NSFW discussion this morning, my brain has been ticking away at the bizarreness of American Corporate Culture, and how if things were just done my way the world would be a better place. Getting home my head meat was further set afire by reading Susie Bright’s follow up post to her NSFW commentary.
So, this is the post where Uncle Sean saves the world, take notes.
The Work Week/ Work Day
First up in fixing the mess of Corporate America we need to take a hard look at the Work Week/ Work Day. We will first divide our workers into two groups: those who receive an hourly wage and those who receive a salary. Their work days/weeks and corresponding compensation should be handled separately. In the current system they are, but it is certainly not in a way that is remotely fair.
The Hourly Employee
Hourly employees should first and foremost be paid a MINIMUM of a livable wage ($5.75 and hour does not equal a livable wage in the United States of America, people). Second, if they are not temporary employees they receive benefits. None of this work people just under full-time so you can avoid having to pay for benefits for them. Either offer benefits to all “permanent” employees or don’t off benefits. Pay them overtime. Anything over 8 hours in a 24 hour time period (consecutive or not) equals overtime, everytime.
The Salaried Employee
The Salaried Employee is paid for their work, not their time. If they get a job done in 4 hours and there is nothing really pressing keeping them at the office there is no problem with them going home. They will almost certainly end up putting in a 16 or 20 hour day in the future when the project calls for it, and the fact that they weren’t expected to just sit in their office an extra 4 hours and look busy on the days they could’ve fucked off early will make them much more amenable to do and less resentful of the 20 hour days. In addition, let’s not put stupid restrictions like 8 to 5 and Monday through Friday. People should work during hours that are appropriate for the work they do. For example, Bankers probably shouldn’t work between 8 PM and 5 AM. Certainly, in Uncle Sean’s new and better Corporate America we will come to a kind of unspoken agreement on common work hours. Just out of convenience. Will it probably be between 8 AM and 5 PM? Yeah, it probably will be, but not everyone will be required to work between those times. People should during a time period that is a combination of appropriate and personally convenient for the sake of productivity.
This all comes down to one point: Happy employees are productive employees.
Corporate Policies
Sexual Harassment
Sexual Harassment is a big hairy terrifying animal. Does sexual harassment occur? Without a doubt. In fact 100 people were probably just harassed while you’ve been reading my little tirade here. Is it wrong? Yes, of course, it’s wrong, and it’s something that should be handled very seriously. The problem is, in an effort to be sensitive to the victims of sexual harassment we have created policies that are too broad and can easily be applied to innocuous situations or even misused and used as a method of attacking someone a person doesn’t like at work. Sexual Harassment policies need to focus on genuinely inappropriate behavior. Like whipping your penis out in front of a female co-worker and pretending your an elephant with a hurt trunk who needs your co-worker to kiss it to make it feel better. That is inappropriate and is sexual harassment. Saying: “Hey there Sharon, that’s a very nice outfit you’re wearing today.” Is not sexual harassment, unless the person saying it is rubbing their crotch, licking their lips, and grabbing for Sharon’s breasts. We really need to boil down what counts as sexual harassment to what is overt, because the subtle stuff (“he was staring at my breasts when he said he liked my outfit”) is probably more likely to be a misunderstanding than genuine, horribly lecherous activity. Yes, this is not all that sensitive to the victim of sexual harassment, but it’s fair, and fair sometimes means that you have to give up a little bit of your sensitivity.
<tangential rant>
And another thing … sexual harassment can happen to both men and women. And half the women who read that line just rolled their eyes. Y’know what? I’ve met a handful of predatory women in my day and I am a pretty young whipper-snapper, if I do say so myself. Women can commit sexual harassment and other such crimes just as well as men can and it’s just as wrong. It is also wrong that men should be expected to see the attention as a positive. I have heard that argument in response to my personal outrage on this subject on more than one occasion and it is the most absurd thing I have ever heard. This is the big problem I have with how Feminism, as I have been exposed to it, it states that women are just as smart and capable as men and should be treated equally, yet it also insists that women are perpetual victims before the horrible male and a woman could never victimize a man. Perhaps I’m misinterpreting what I’ve seen and heard. But, being referred to, on more than one occasion, as “one of the good ones” (in reference to being male) made me feel dirty. </tangential rant>
The Internet
The fact is that time spent on the Internet at work should be practically non-existent. If we are following Uncle Sean’s guidelines for the Work Day/ Work Week, then you’re too busy working to be surfing the net while you’re at work, and you don’t have time to sit around bored and surf YouTube for videos of cats chasing laser pointers. Internet policy should consist of “be responsible.”
Other
Unions
Unions and collective bargaining are a good thing. This gives power to workers they might not already have. Having to join a Union for a temporary position, paying them dues out of an already small check, and not getting any of the benefits of being part of a Union, is wrong. That happened to me once and it almost put me entirely off the idea of Unions. Also, people should not be required to be part of a Union to work somewhere. Like I said, Unions are good, but the freedom to choose is also good.
Layoffs
Layoffs in the current corporate culture piss me the fuck off. Such and such company is expected to layoff 10,000 workers. What does that do for morale? When those announcements show up in the news, do executives think that helps productivity? Now, a bunch of people are afraid they are going to lose their jobs. Some of them will work harder and make themselves look irreplaceable, some will say fuck it and slow down productivity because they’re convinced they’re going to lose their job anyway, some will start looking for a new job and which, also will hamper productivity. Then, the layoffs happen. This won’t help productivity either. Now, people see who did go and start panicking about their own job, or decide anyone is expendable and that it doesn’t matter what kind of effort they put in at work.
Here’s what should be happening, the first place a cut should go is in executive paychecks. Corporations should be taking a hard look at how much they pay executives. Yes, executives have earned their place in the organization (probably … I’m giving them the benefit of a doubt anyway), yes they have earned a very high pay grade, and should be rewarded for all the work they’ve done, but executives are leaders. Responsible leaders take a hit personally, before they allow those they lead to be effected. Responsible leadership means looking at how much you get paid and if taking a reasonable pay cut saves the company from having to do layoffs, or reduces the layoffs you need to do, then you are morally obligated to take the cut. When we are talking about people who are paid in the double digit millions as an annual salary this is not remotely unreasonable. Let’s not forget that $10,000,000 is a whole fuckload of money to make in one year. More than most people will ever make in their entire lives.
So, stop cutting people, because it hurts productivity and that hurts your bottom line, take a hit leaders, you’re still making more money than God.

If we started implementing my practical and ingenious solutions as described above I guarantee the result would be a healthier economy and workforce within 10 years. If I’m wrong, then I will write a heartfelt apology to Corporate America and cry a little bit, promise.

Advertisements

2 Comments

  1. OK, my love … I agree with you generally … but there *are* occasions where salacious shitheads *do* stare overtly at your breasts while talking to you. (not YOU you, but a general-person-you, though it someone WERE to stare at your breasts I am afraid I would have to hurt them)

    There are all sorts of passive-aggressive things that people can do to one another that can be played off as “innocent” or “an accident,” which, if you have ever been the recipient of such behavior, (Dollface angrily raises her hand) is *really* obvious, but *really* hard to describe in any rational way. Then again, I completely agree that there are narcissistic bitches who think EVERYONE wants to get into her hoo-ha and/or to see what color nipples lie there under that there Victoria’s Secret lingerie … and who would think nothing of slapping a sexual-harassment lawsuit at some random employer who might just piss her off at the wrong time of the month.

    What is a rational person to do? Is it worse to err on the side of the alleged “victim,” or the alleged “agressor?” Who stands to lose more: the woman who only has her own opinion and instinctual feelings to back up her uncomfortable feelings, or the man who has a reputation and a family (perhaps) whose honor is thrown into doubt for the *rest of his life* because of one vindictive and/or vain and/or stupid sexual harassment suit. Who stands the chance of losing most? Who deserves more protection: someone with nothing to lose, or someone with everything to lose?

    I don’t expect you to come up with the answers, dearest … I guess you just inspired me with your wonderful rant, as always, askin’ the hard questions.

    xo,
    J.

    Oh, and P.S., thanks for cleaning out the cat boxes …

  2. P.P.S. watching YouTube Cats chasing laser-pointers is NOT a pointless waste of time … it is very, very important


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: