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My girlfriend likes Soy Milk (for those of you unawares Soy Milk is milk that does not come from the teat of an animal that says “moo”), so we buy Soy Milk for her. She encourages me to try some … I do because I wish to humor her. Then, she gets this powdered protein shake mix. It tastes like chocolate. You mix it with milk. It is also Soy based.

It tastes like fucking chocolate.  My fat ass can not resist the taste of chocolate any more than I can avoid touching myself while watching anything with Jennifer Connelly in it.

So I mix the Soy based protein shake with the Soy Milk. It tastes good … and I have more. I now find myself drinking something called milk that was not produced by squeezing, pinching, or otherwise making an animal incredibly uncomfortable.

I feel dirty.



  1. Those soy beans were probably picked by child laborers in some third-world-country … does that help?

  2. Yes, yes it does.

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