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I “missed” the Oscars again last night. Ah, the night when all the stars come out to fellate one another and tell us how important it is for them to entertain us. How could I have missed that? Damn. Anyway. What won?

Best Picture: The Departed – Did anyone not see this coming? I was only peripherally paying attention to the Oscar type talk this year and I knew this one was going to win. I haven’t seen it yet, nearly seen it several times in the last couple of weeks. Everyone tells me it’s really good, now famous people are telling me it’s really good. So, I guess it must be pretty good, right?

Best Director: Martin Scorsese – Okay.

Best Actor: Forest Whitaker – I like Forest Whitaker, and I keep hearing good things about Last King of Scotland. I’ll get around to seeing it.

Best Actress: Helen Mirren – I didn’t see The Queen and I’m not going to see it. Helen Mirren is a fine actress and I’m sure she did a good job, but I have no desire to see a movie about any member of British Royalty that is still above ground.

Do you care about the Best Supportings? I generally don’t, nor do I give a crap about best costume design, best makeup, sound editing, sound mixing, score, or song. If you’re interested in the rest you can look it up.

Also, does Al Gore really need the encouragement of an Oscar for An Inconvenient Truth? Y’all are going to make that man even more self-righteous and next thing you know we’re going to have to peel giant Parental Advisory stickers off of our cars, and it will leave that sticky paper and glue residue on the hood. You’ll have to pick at it and scrape it off with your fingernail, getting all that gunk under your nail and scratching up the paint job on your car.

Incidentally, here’s how much I suck: the only two movies that won anything that I saw were Marie Antoinette (won for Costume Design, which was probably the only good thing about the movie), and  Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man’s Chest (Visual Effects).


One Comment

  1. Dude, the only movies I saw on there were the Animated features. Oh, and Jesus Camp. We should have a “movies we never saw that won Oscars this year” movie night series.

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