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Ah, the first letter for Uncle Sean’s Advice Mallet has arrived!

Dear Uncle Sean,

I have this boyfriend, see, and he spends an awful lot of time on the internets. He’s made blogs and pod-casts and all sorts of stuff like that. I think he might even … I fear to type it, lest it be true … look at the pornography on occasion. My question is this: how can I get him to stop wasting time in this sinful manner and instead spend that valuable time earning more money to buy me presents, spend hours rubbing my feet, and doing the dishes? Oh, and cleaning the cat-boxes too.

Sincerely,
Completely & Utterly Nonplussed & Tired

Dear CUNT,
You are obviously not satisfying your boyfriend sexually. There is nothing wrong with him spending a lot of time on the internet, experimenting with its many features for interacting with the world at large, and there is certainly nothing wrong with viewing women with insanely large fake breasts pretend to have an orgasm while having the abnormally large penis of a guy who has nothing else to do all day but work out for 6 hours shoved up her ass. These are all commendable activities. The problem here is that you are not offering to give him a handjob while he blogs, not offering to lick his balls while he records a podcast, and not offering to make out with another girl in front of him while he divides his attention between you and Jenna Jameson clips on the internet. The problem here isn’t your boyfriend. It’s you. Uncle Sean recommends trying to make it up to your boyfriend by dressing up in sexy underwear.
-Uncle Sean

Are you stumped by a problem? Confounded by an enigma? Do you yearn to be struck with Uncle Sean’s mighty Advice Mallet? Email Uncle Sean at advicemallet @ gmail . com

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